Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
