I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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