im six kinds of drunk right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
