I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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