nut hugger
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
