He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
