I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I touched a dick in church today
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
