He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
