all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
