U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
