when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
