Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize