You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
