His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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