I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
