We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
