grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
