the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The power of my boobs compel you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize