the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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