remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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