we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
