NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
