Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize