so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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