You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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