I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
