That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
