Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
