Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize