real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
