I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
