I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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