there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
