Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
