He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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