please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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