Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
