are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
