: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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