12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
