If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
