If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
