First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
