just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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