no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Rumble strips road head = magical
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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