you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
