I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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