you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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