I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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