Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
