I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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