I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
