Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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