I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
