Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
