Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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