That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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