When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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