She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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