party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
