Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
