what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize