I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
