I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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