You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
