i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize