if you like me you must not know who I am
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize