The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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