Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
