I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
