Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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