dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
