That's when you crack a 10am beer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
