it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
