you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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