So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
