He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize