I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
