please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
