how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
