I think I won the penis lottery.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
