Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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