so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she told me i tasted like america
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
