wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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