Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
