SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
