The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
