8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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