After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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