I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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