im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize